I was talking to a good friend recently about what she is going though and it made me start thinking, why does it hurt so bad? I mean, that may sound like a stupid question because we all know why it hurts, but why does it linger so long? We find ourselves thinking about them at the most random times, and the longer you had been together the worse it is, and I think I know why...
1. You still come across his or her stuff in your place: So one day you are just combing through some of your old stuff and bam, there it is. A t-shirt, a book you borrowed, a Letterman's jacket (Ok maybe not). You start thinking, "When did they leave this?", and that leads to "Oh yea, it was the day we went into the city...." and so on until you come to and you realize you have been standing silently, walking down memory lane for the past 30 min. Depressing stuff... My recommendation? If it is a recent break up and you are the one being "dumped".... burn it. Hey, its therapy. They left you brokenhearted, but that was years ago and you are over it, donate it. If you were the one doing the dumping, be civil and return whatever it is.
2. Memories suck: See a commercial for a restaurant you would always go to together, boom you think about them. Hear their favorite song, meet someone from the city they live in, or heaven forbid look at a picture of the two of you...and yea, they are there. Yea, yea you want to keep those memories because "they were such good times, and we were so in love..", but that doesn't mean the don't suck. Recommendation? Make new memories. Doesn't have to be at the same places or with the same things, but make better memories that get you so excited about that they allow you to forget all the others.
3. Gifts... What do you do with them?: Those earrings he bought? That Wii she got you? Are you kidding? Keep em. Or if it gets too rough sell em! That cash in your hand wont remind you of them, and now you have something better that is allllll yours!
4. They were your best friend: I think this is by far the hardest thing about it. If it was a "real" relationship, who ever you were with was probably the one you told everything to. You saw each other through the best and worst times. The first person you called when you got your first job, and the first person you ran to when you lost someone you loved. They liked you they way you were, flaws and all. Now that is gone, and your first reaction might be to panic. It might not even set in until something important happens and you reach down for your phone and you automatically hit their speed dial, and before they pick up you hang up quickly and realize what you are doing. Yea, that sucks. All I can say is this is why it is so important to not alienate your other friends while you are in a relationship. For me, it was my friend Greg who rescued me. I had laid on the sofa for about 5 days, just starring into nothing when Greg called. I can't remember exactly what was said but it went something like this...
Greg: "What are you doing?"
Greg: "Get up, we are going to a movie."
Me: "I haven't showered...in 3 days."
Greg: "Get up, shower, we are going to a movie."
I don't think he even knows how much that meant to me. After that day, I spent no more time feeling sorry for myself on the sofa.
So yea, it sucks. It totally, absolutely, positively sucks, but you know what? Its over.. so look to the future, because it can only get better...and maybe go get ridiculously drunk with your (new, but old) best friend...